"Well, they are both ugly."
David Luiz, when asked about similarities between Jose Mourinho and Laurent Blanc

"Every time we scored as kids, she used to give me and my brothers a pound. Even though I'm 26 now, I still carry that tradition on. She was the first person I rang last night and I said: 'I want that pound'. I tried saying I wanted a bit more because it was against Manchester United, but she says that wasn't in the contract."
Scott Laird, Preston North End's goalscorer against Manchester United, fails to get any more cash out of his thrifty granny

"We want to keep the ball with us for as long as we can, so that's why I want players like Xabi and Thiago [Alcantara]. But when it comes to running after another player, Xabi Alonso is the worst player in the world!"
Pep Guardiola offers a frank assessment of Xabi Alonso's strengths and weaknesses

"I am always aiming high and the dream signing would be Messi. I can only say that he likes Sampdoria's colours and that I am here to win things and not to count ants."
Sampdoria owner Massimo Ferrero

"Embrace the baldness. And that's the bottom line..."
Former wrestler 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin's advice to Wayne Rooney on Twitter

"I’ll not forget this day for the rest of my life. The margin of victory is the right one. Bayern were world class but there is no excuse for losing 8-0. By the end, I was hoping that we wouldn't lose by double digits."
Hamburg coach Josef Zinnbauer's candid reaction to his team's 8-0 loss at Bayern Munich

"It should have been Henderson. Mario has been a bit mischievous. Jordan is the captain and Mario showed Jordan a bit of disrespect there. I think six or seven players would have wanted to take that penalty so if they all say they are taking it, what happens then?! Rules are in place for a reason."
Steven Gerrard rebukes Mario Balotelli after a dispute with Jordan Henderson over penalty duties

"He can be as good as Robben. Both always have the desire to improve; neither player hides from training, which is a good sign for Depay."
PSV Eindhoven coach Phillip Cocu on Memphis Depay

"I knew I was coming off the back of a not very good year, during which I went through a lot of problems on and off the field. It was a challenge to change the image that I had given out last season and to be the player I had been in previous seasons again. That was my objective and that's how I came out at the start of this season, really up for it."
Lionel Messi on bouncing back from a disappointing 2014

"There's lots of things to report from the trip. Apparently it's really sunny out there compared to here. It was a nice flight and he didn't get sick. The food wasn't great on the flight but he came back with one of those hats [sombrero] and those donkeys [pinata] which my folks brought back in the 70s and told everyone they were fantastic. He bought me them which I thought was a nice gesture."
Burnley manager Sean Dyche on Danny Ings' reported trip to Spain to discuss signing for Real Sociedad

"I have played in some really tough places in terms of the noise and the passion the fans create. Every game I have played in Turkey stands out for passion created by the fans. But the best has been at Celtic Park."
Inter Milan's Nemanja Vidic picks his favourite stadium 

“The manager has killed me with this decision. I feel I deserve my place and other people have told me the same. People have told me I am a great player, but it is clear that the manager doesn’t think the same way."
Stefan Jovetic reacts to being replaced by Wilfried Bony in Manchester City's UEFA Champions League squad

"Bayern were always a good team but now the club has arrived on a global level, and that is mainly due to Pep, who has given the club an extra touch of class. He is doing a fantastic job, as he did at Barcelona. I'm fascinated by how he works and I can learn a lot from him."
Zinedine Zidane on Pep Guardiola

"Yes, I have already received an offer from Manchester City. They said they will sell Nasri, Kompany and Yaya Toure to get me!"
Slaven Bilic laughs off reports of an approach from Manchester City